The Constant Choosing
Aria needed me to play this morning. She needed me to play yesterday. She’s needed me for bathroom breaks and being hungry and thirsty and just to sit on the couch with her while she watches TV.
It’s been so hard lately trying to juggle her needs, be a good mom and be present, while also trying to juggle:
all the little things that need doing
all the personal and professional work, including the housework, that needs to be done
all the aspirational work that I’m tending to
my own self that needs care
the dreams and goals I need to move forward for me and for us
It’s so easy to feel like you’re behind, like you’re just trying to stay afloat - to live with that low-level pressure and stress constantly. A lot of people talk about this - but not as a choice you’re making or as a choice you can switch out of making.
The flip is so subtle, yet so powerful, and honestly, I’m still working on it myself. My breakthrough is always just a perspective shift away though. Shifting my reality in an instant and reminding myself that it’s not all on me. That the universe is conspiring toward my good as well. That my mindset, my intentions, my expectations, my certainty, the timeline I’m on, the timeline I’m agreeing to - those matter just as much, if not more, than any tangible effort I could ever make.
My mindset matters more than any amount of efforting ever could.
Believing that this morning, sitting down to play instead of pushing through my list, is part of what’s creating the momentum in my life, not a delay of it.
So today I played. The list is still there. And so is the sense that I finally believed the two aren’t in competition.
That’s the timeline I’m choosing. That’s the nervous system regulation I’m practicing. That’s the choice I’m making.
What about you?
I’m Leah, mom to Aria, entrepreneurial program coordinator by day, and an Akashic Records and Tarot reader of 20+ years. I write about resilience for women building on their own timeline, the late bloomers, the off-script ones, the ones doing it without a map. Resilient Soul Dispatch is where I write about the constant choosing: the list and the moment, the plan and the timing, the hustle and the trust. If that’s a tension you’re living too, you’re in the right place.
I feel this! It’s no easy jugging everything. And those silent negotiations we make, are so real. I love how you said a perspective shift away. That’s what it takes. And choosing to play. Gurl, I know exactly what you mean. The list will have to wait. Being present demands that of us. It’s never easy. It’s a daily practice as you said.